Most of us don’t understand this until far too late in life:

We learn how to be human by watching other humans.

Not from class.
Not from literature.
From our mother and father. Or whomever brought us up.

Nobody is born understanding how to handle strong emotions.
Or how to request what we need.
Or how to say “no” without guilt.
Or how to distinguish between control and love.

Watching those around us teaches us all of that—or doesn’t.

Thus, if you grew up in a house where emotions were neglected, or everything was chaotic, or love came with strings attached, or silence was safer than truth… You didn’t only experience it. You absorbed it. Deep inside your nervous system. Into your bones.

You didn’t choose your patterns.
You were given them.
You simply didn’t realize they were patterns… patterns that would become part of you.

This Is What Modeling Is

Your parents didn’t teach you this on purpose. It’s what you picked up simply by being present.

• You observed their approach to stress management.
• You heard how they spoke about themselves.
• Conflict appeared and you felt the change in temperature of the room.
• You followed their moods as though your life depended on it—because perhaps it really did.

And all that stuff gets stored away.
Not only in your head.
Within your body. In your responses. In the way you flinch when someone’s tone changes, or shut down when events become too intense.

It’s like growing up in a home with fun-house mirrors. The reflections are distorted, but when that’s all you’ve ever seen, you believe that’s really what people look like.

And Here’s Where It Gets Even Trickier

Your default settings never got changed if no one ever taught you a different approach—like what it feels like to be heard, or to be soothed, or to disagree without being punished.

You enter adulthood believing the world operates the same way your family did.
Unless something breaks that pattern, you wind up repeating the same dynamics with other individuals, only this time in adult attire.

This is how people get trapped in patterns that seem nonsensical—until you consider what they learned as children.
Then, all at once, it makes perfect sense.

This Isn’t About Blame

It’s about cause and effect.

You’re not justifying.
You’re being honest.

If no one ever taught you how to self-soothe, how to trust, how to express “I’m hurting,” of course this knowledge didn’t just miraculously grow inside you.

You’re not to blame for that. It’s simply reality.

But Here’s The Good News

You’re not bound to the models you inherited.

Learning is still possible.
You can still rewire your brain.
You can still discover fresh models—new people, new ways of existing—and begin to internalize them.

You can become the individual you needed way back when.
It’s not quick. It’s not simple. Still, it is doable.
And to be honest, it’s among the most radical, courageous actions you can take.

So In This Series, We’re Gonna Get Into It

• What modeling really is and how it controls your life without your knowledge.
• What occurs when the modeling you received was damaging, inconsistent, or simply absent.
• Why these patterns are so tenacious.
• And how to begin breaking the cycle and creating something fresh.

I will likely share some of my own narrative as well. Since this one strikes quite close to home.

Should you ever feel as though you’re only going through the motions… or as though you ought to know how to live by now but simply don’t… This is for you.

You’re not lazy. You’re not damaged.
You simply weren’t taught another way.

Let’s start changing that.