Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about something that keeps happening—on the news, in discussions, and especially in online spaces.

We watched January 6th happen on live TV—saw people attack the capital, break windows, and yell about hanging the Vice President. And yet, there are people who say it didn’t happen that way. That it was calm. That it was staged.

People defend the economy even though it’s struggling because of bad choices like tax giveaways for the rich, deregulation, and massive deficits. They tell us to “wait it out” and that maybe this is all part of a long game that will make sense one day.

They see the same things we do. But it’s as if they live in a separate universe.

At first, I assumed it was just blind loyalty or willful ignorance. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether something else is going on—something older, deeper, and much more personal.

I wonder if what we’re truly seeing is the long shadow of trauma.

When You Learn to Deny the Obvious

It’s not easy to talk about, but it needs to be said:
When you grow up in a home where the people who are supposed to love and protect you instead hurt you—emotionally, physically, and mentally—your reality can easily become fragmented.

You learn you can’t afford to trust what’s going on.
That you can’t trust your gut instincts.
Because that would shatter the delicate illusion that you’re safe, that you’re protected.

So you change, you adapt.
You disconnect.
You disregard your perception in order to survive.

And when that happens repeatedly, it doesn’t just go away as you become older. It stays with you as an adult and affects both how you interact with the environment, and how you figure out what’s real and what’s not.

It teaches you doubt what you feel.
To not trust what you see.
To gaslight yourself—before anyone else even has to.

Why Denial Feels Safer Than Truth

For many survivors of childhood adversity, truth wasn’t safe. Truth means dealing with betrayal, abandonment, fear, or chaos. So denial became a shield.

That shield doesn’t just disappear when the truth is political. Or collective. Or happening in broad daylight.
The bigger the truth, the more threatening it can feel.

Some individuals feel safer accepting the falsehood than facing the truth when someone like Trump lies, manipulates, or throws others under the bus.
The truth feels familiar to them in the worst way: it reminds them of how power may be used to dominate, punish, or humiliate.

And deep down, they still think that the only way to survive is to go along with authority, no matter how bad it is.

The Comfort of Not Knowing

Children who dissociate themselves from their body, feelings, or memories typically grow up to be adults who dissociate themselves from reality.

Not because they’re weak.
Not because they’re dumb.
Because they, and their nervous systems, were raised in a combat zone.

It’s common, even normalized, for such environments to be confusing. And anyone who could provide a sense of certainty—especially if they were charming and sure of themselves—felt comforting. Even if that certainty was based on lies.

That’s why conspiracy theories can be so appealing.
Why some people believe simple though unlikely stories, or blame others so easily.
Why they cling to the idea that everyone else—everyone but them—is asleep.

If you grew up in a house where nothing made sense and no one told the truth, chaos feels normal and delusion feels like home.

Gaslighting as Self-Protection

A lot of people who’ve been through trauma take in the voices that used to belittle or ignore them. They hear those voices as their own:
“You’re overreacting.”
“You’re being too sensitive.”
“You don’t really know what’s going on.”

So they don’t trust themselves to call out something crazy or wrong when they see it.
They’re unsure.
They doubt or second-guess themselves.

Even if they can see the proof right in front of them.

When Authoritarianism Seems Normal

This might be the most painful truth of all:
Some people are drawn to authoritarian leaders because the way they behave feels familiar.

They may have grown up in families where love and control were fused. Where affection was conditional. Where obedience was survival.

So they find comfort in leaders who promise safety through dominance.
Who tell them, “I’m the only one who can fix it.”
Who creates adversaries to fight against.

It feels like the protection they never got.
Even if it’s a lie.

Coming Back to Your Own Knowing

None of this makes bad behavior okay.
It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hold people accountable.
But it does help explain why some individuals seem impossible to reach—why they can look directly at a lie and still defend it.

They don’t see things clearly.
They’re seeing through the fractured lens of their own past.

And that’s what healing is about:
Reclaiming your right to trust what you see.
To believe what you feel.
To stop apologizing for your own clarity.

Because the truth doesn’t just live out there—it lives in here, too.

And learning to trust it again is one of the most radical things we can do.