Downward Arc: How Survival Becomes Struggle
There’s a point in every survivor’s story where what once kept us safe begins to keep us stuck.That shift — from adaptation to entrapment, from flow to fixation — is what I call the Downward Arc. The Intelligence of Survival Every pattern we carry began as a kind of brilliance.When we were children, our bodies […]
Coping Behaviors: How We Survive What We Couldn’t Control
When a child grows up in an environment that feels unsafe, unpredictable, or emotionally overwhelming, they have to find some way to survive it. The body, mind, and emotions all adapt in whatever ways they can to reduce pain, avoid danger, or preserve connection. Those adaptations are what we call coping behaviors — the learned […]
Core Definitions: The Language of Childhood Complex Trauma
Before you can heal, you have to name what happened.But most of us never had words for it. We grew up inside the fog of it — the tension, the confusion, the shame — so it all just felt like life. Maybe we knew something was off, but we couldn’t explain it. We didn’t have […]
What We Mean by “Caregiver”
When we talk about childhood complex trauma, we’re not just talking about what happened to a child — we’re talking about what happened in the space between a child and the people responsible for their care. That space — the caregiving relationship — shapes how we learn to feel safe, how we understand ourselves, and […]
Desire, Shame, and the Heart–Liver Connection
I didn’t grow up in a religious home. We didn’t go to church, there were no sermons or commandments hanging over our dinner table. But my mother carried a kind of quiet Puritanism that shaped everything. In her world, wanting things was suspect. Beauty was indulgent. Restraint was virtue. She never said it outright, but […]
Letting the Old Identity Die
I’ve been asking myself lately whether I should renew my acupuncture license.It’s not the first time I’ve asked the question, but this time it feels different.The renewal fee is $500 — not an insubstantial amount — and I haven’t practiced in over a year and a half. I could keep it in inactive status like […]
Regulation Disruptions: Living in a Body That Won’t Settle
Some people live in a body that never quite relaxes. There’s always a low-level current running underneath — tightness in the muscles, tension in the jaw, shallow breathing, the sense of being “on” even when nothing’s happening. Others live on the opposite end of the spectrum — heavy, tired, detached, moving through life as if […]
Wu-wei and the Need to Control: Finding Flow After Trauma
There’s a concept in Daoism called wu-wei (無為), often translated as “non-action” or “effortless action.”It doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means acting without forcing — moving with the natural flow instead of against it. But for those of us who grew up in unpredictable or unsafe environments, that idea can feel almost impossible. Because doing […]
A 10-Minute Starter Kit (Breath, Movement, Reflection)
You don’t need the perfect routine. You need a small one you’ll actually do. Ten minutes is enough to tell your body, “We’re okay. We can soften a notch.” That’s the whole goal here—one notch softer. Not enlightenment. Not a personality transplant. Just a little more room to breathe. How to use this Part 1 […]
Taking Up Space and Going with the Flow
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to “take up space.”It sounds simple — walking down a sidewalk, standing in line, being in a crowd — but for me, it’s never been simple. Even now, in my 60s, I still catch myself shrinking. Moving out of people’s way. Apologizing for existing. It’s maddening […]