You’ve been trying to figure out the same problem for an hour.
You’ve gone over what happened, what you said, what they said, and what you should do next. Every time you think you’ve reached some kind of conclusion, you start again.
Eventually, you give up and go outside.
You walk because you can’t stand sitting there anymore. Down the street, around the corner, past the same shops you pass every day. You aren’t trying to work anything out.
Twenty minutes later, the problem is still there. But something has changed.
You’re no longer rehearsing the conversation word for word. One possibility that seemed impossible earlier now seems worth considering. You still don’t know what you’re going to do, but you can think about it without immediately starting the whole argument again.
You were trying to change your thinking by thinking harder. Walking changed something else.
We often start where the problem appears. If we’re anxious, we try to calm the anxiety. If we’re confused, we try to think more clearly. If we’re angry, we try to get the anger under control.
Sometimes that is where there is something useful to do. Sometimes it isn’t.
Maybe you can’t think differently right now, but you can stop sitting in the same room. Maybe you can’t make yourself less irritable, but you can eat. Maybe you can’t settle down, but you can walk. Maybe you can’t stop thinking about something, but you can stop trying to solve it tonight.
The same is true in the other direction. Sometimes lying down makes things worse. Sometimes quiet gives your thoughts more room to run. Sometimes another walk is the last thing an exhausted body needs.
You don’t have to know beforehand which part of the situation is supposed to change. Look for where something is actually available.
Change the pace. Change the position. Reduce the noise. Eat. Rest. Move. Stop trying to solve something for a while.
Then see what else changes with it.
The place where the problem shows up doesn’t have to be the place where you begin.