The Same Conditions Can Produce Different Patterns

Two children can grow up under similar conditions and adapt in very different ways.

One becomes compliant. The other becomes defiant.

One tries to prevent every problem. The other stops trying to prevent anything. One takes responsibility for everyone. The other avoids responsibility whenever possible.

At first, these can look like opposite kinds of people.

But adaptation is not a simple formula. The system does not encounter a condition and produce one predetermined response. It discovers, over time, which responses are available and what those responses accomplish.

In a controlling environment, compliance may reduce conflict. For one child, becoming agreeable works.

Another child may discover that compliance brings no greater safety. Pushing back may preserve something important instead: autonomy, dignity, a sense that they cannot be completely controlled.

Both responses can make sense.

The same is true of unpredictability. One person may try to control everything they can. Another may stop planning because plans so rarely seem to matter. One moves toward greater control. The other toward giving up control.

What develops depends on more than the condition itself. It depends on temperament, relationships, timing, what alternatives were available, and what happened when different responses were tried.

It can also change from situation to situation.

Someone may submit around authority and become controlling when they have authority themselves. They may accommodate in relationships until they feel cornered, then suddenly become defiant. What looks inconsistent may be different adaptations becoming available under different conditions.

This is why a history cannot tell us exactly what pattern someone will develop.

The important question is not simply:

What happened?

It is also:

What did this particular system learn to do with what happened?

Different answers can emerge from similar conditions.

And each may have made sense where it began.

Related Essays

DOTT

One last thing... Let's verify your subscription.

We use double opt-in. That means you need to confirm your subscription before we can send you anything.

Check your inbox for a confirmation email to complete your subscription.

Didn’t see it? Be sure to check your spam or promotions folder.

Contact Us

Disclaimer

This website does not provide medical advice. The information provided is for educational purposes only. While we strive for accuracy, it’s not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or qualified health care provider with any questions about a medical condition or treatment and before starting a new health regimen. Never disregard or delay seeking professional medical advice because of something you read on this website.