You know someone is going to ask about the mistake, so you start preparing an explanation.
Except they haven’t asked.
You think someone might be disappointed, so you change what you’re going to say. You expect an argument, so you enter the conversation ready to defend yourself. You’re waiting for an important reply, and your body is already tense even though nothing has happened yet.
We don’t respond only to what is happening.
We respond to what we expect to happen.
That expectation can change the present before the expected event ever arrives. You rehearse what you’re going to say. You watch for signs of trouble. You become more careful, more defensive, more agreeable, or more controlling.
Sometimes the expectation is based on good evidence. If someone usually becomes angry when challenged, expecting anger makes sense. If a particular conversation has gone badly ten times before, you have reason to expect the eleventh to go badly too.
But the response can begin whether the expectation turns out to be right or not.
You can prepare for criticism nobody gives you. You can start managing someone’s disappointment before they’re disappointed. You can become afraid of consequences nobody has threatened. You can obey a rule nobody actually made.
By then, the anticipated event is already affecting what you do.
This can go surprisingly far. You can spend an entire conversation responding to an argument you’re expecting rather than the conversation you’re actually having. You can change what you say because of an objection the other person hasn’t made. You can become angry while rehearsing a confrontation that may never happen.
Nothing has to happen outside you for the response to be real.
Expectation is enough to start it.
The future hasn’t happened yet.
But you can already be responding to it.