For years, you answer your mother’s calls whenever she phones.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re working, eating dinner, or about to leave the house. If you don’t answer, she’ll call again. Then she’ll send a message asking whether something is wrong.
Eventually, you stop answering every time.
At first, it’s difficult. You see her name on the screen and feel as though you’re doing something wrong. Sometimes you answer anyway. But gradually, calling her back later becomes ordinary.
A few months later, a friend asks you for a favor you don’t want to do. Normally, you would say yes and spend the next two days resenting it.
This time, you tell him you can’t.
You’re surprised by how easy it was. You weren’t working on saying no to your friend. But something had already changed.
Every time you let your mother’s call wait, you had allowed someone to want something from you without immediately responding. You had discovered that another person’s disappointment or impatience didn’t always require action.
The next time someone wanted something from you, saying yes was no longer quite as automatic.
There was another response available now, and you had already used it.